WASHINGTON, DC – President Joe Biden used his final moments in office to issue a blanket pardon to the new President Donald Trump.
Standing in the Oval Office, surrounded by aides visibly trying not to laugh, Biden signed the executive order to pardon Donald Trump for all of his crimes that he might have or might have ot committed.
The pardon, which covers “any and all potential, alleged, or theoretical crimes, including but not limited to tax evasion, espionage, jaywalking, and bad spray-tan maintenance,” was reportedly Biden’s idea after reading a letter left on the Resolute Desk by Trump himself. Sources say the note simply read: “You owe me one. Bigly.”
Trump, upon hearing the news, immediately held a press conference, where he declared, “It’s the greatest pardon of all time. People are calling me, crying, saying how incredible this is. They’re saying, ‘Sir, only you could get pardoned for things we don’t even know about yet.’”
Trump also teased a future presidential run, adding, “I might even pardon Biden now, when I’m back in the White House. But only if he behaves.”
* Image: x.com/politvidchannel