MIDDLETOWN, OHIO – In an inexplicable twist of fate, Ohio born JD Vance has developed a baffling condition: everything he touches instantly transforms into… not gold, but something else. Mainly ashes, both literally and figuratively.
Here are some good examples what has happened after this Ohio born man has been in contact with that thin or person:
- He took and tried to lift the National Championship trophy, and it broke down immediately
- Met with the Pope Francis who died the next day
- Visited India and a terrorist attack happened, and a war broke out between India and Pakistan
- Endorsed his half-brother for mayor of Cincinnati, who lost 83-11%
The phenomenon began shortly after Vance assumed office as the Vice-President of the United States on 20th January this year. And during this last 3 months after assuming the office, the president’s (his boss) approval ratings have plummeted from 47% down to 40%.
Scientists are stumped. “This defies all known laws of physics,” said Dr. Rita Moltz from Ohio State. “He’s basically the exact opposite of King Midas, that means everything he touches turns not into gold, but… let me say it politely… not gold, but ashes.”
* Image: X.com/AP