BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS – In a shocking revelation that has left both scientists and breakfast enthusiasts scrambling, a recent study published by the International Poultry Institute suggests a revolutionary approach to solving the global egg crisis: stop killing chickens.
According to lead researcher Dr. Henrietta Clucklesworth, “Our data indicates a direct correlation between the number of living chickens and the number of eggs produced. Frankly, the more chickens you have, the more eggs they tend to lay. It’s wild.”
The study, which took over three years and several cartons of free-range omelets to complete, found that reducing the chicken population, traditionally through methods like overconsumption and poorly timed barbecues, was significantly hampering egg output.
“We thought the answer was more complicated,” admitted Dr. Clucklesworth. “Turns out, you just need to let the chickens… live.”
Farmers around the world are reportedly flapping with excitement over the findings. Some, however, remain skeptical. “So you’re telling me that if I have more chickens, I’ll get more eggs?” said local farmer Bob Pecker, visibly confused. “I thought it was just random luck every morning.”
The research team is now working on an equally ambitious follow-up study, tentatively titled “If You Water Plants, They Grow.”
* Image: pxhere.com