WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump announced today that Greenland is “not green at all,” but instead “mostly white, very white, maybe the whitest.”
Speaking to reporters, Trump said he was “surprised, honestly very surprised,” adding that the name Greenland was “extremely misleading, possibly a scam,” and that “nobody warned me there would be this much ice.”
According to sources close to the president, the discovery came after Trump was shown a satellite image of the island during a briefing.
“I looked at it and I said, ‘Where’s the green?’” Trump recounted. “There was no green. Zero. Just ice. Ice everywhere. Frankly, it should be called Whiteland or Ice-land-plus. Bad branding.”
He later praised the ice for being “very solid-looking” and “tremendous ice, some of the best ice.”
The White House press office attempted to clarify the remarks, explaining that Greenland’s name dates back to Viking-era marketing strategies.
Trump immediately seized on this point, calling it “fake Viking news” and suggesting that “even back then, people were lying to sell real estate.”
He reportedly asked advisers whether Denmark would consider a refund, given that Greenland “did not meet expectations set by the brochure.”
Despite the confusion, Trump remained optimistic, noting that the ice could have “a lot of potential.”
“We could do great things with all that ice,” he said. “Cooling. Drinks. Maybe ship it south. We’ll look into it.”
The president concluded by assuring Americans that he had learned an important lesson: “You can’t trust names. Except the United States. That name? Very accurate.”
*Image: goodfon.com