MOSCOW, RUSSIA – Moscow authorities have reported a tragic incident involving a local stray dog named Sharik, who allegedly “fell” from a 23rd-floor window shortly after being caught in a compromising act of public defiance.
Several witnesses claim that the perished dog urinated on a discarded poster of Russian President Vladimir Putin in a Moscow downtown alley, sparking controversy among passersby. Hours later, Sharik’s lifeless body was discovered beneath the high-rise building.
Investigators investigating the unhappy incident claim that it is an obvious suicide, because a letter of regret signed by the dog was found.
Investigators announced they found a paw-printed “letter of regret” near the dog’s shelter, written in an impressively legible Cyrillic script.
“I cannot live with the shame I have brought upon myself and Mother Russia,” the note reportedly read. “I deeply apologize for my unpatriotic actions.” The signature was a crude yet recognizable paw print, which officials insist “proves” its authenticity.
The incident has sparked disbelief in Russian society, with some accusing authorities of orchestrating the story to cover up a darker motive.
“A dog with a pen? Really?” commented one user on social media. Another quipped, “At least the note wasn’t notarized. Yet.”
Critics allege that this is yet another example of the Kremlin’s increasing paranoia and its creative PR efforts. However, the Moscow Police Department stood by their findings. “The case is closed,” an official declared. “We see no signs of foul play, just a deeply remorseful soul unable to bear the weight of its transgressions.”
Meanwhile, other stray dogs in Moscow have reportedly started avoiding anything resembling political symbols. “We just sniff fire hydrants now,” one mutt barked to reporters. “Life is simpler that way.”
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