MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDA – In a press conference, President-elect Donald Trump unveiled his “brilliant, absolutely tremendous” plan to slash the federal deficit.
According to Trump, cutting all federal subsidies to Elon Musk and his companies. Speaking to a small crowd of reporters, Trump declared, “We don’t need subsidies for rockets, cars, or tunnels, okay? Elon’s got enough money. I mean, have you seen his Twitter lately? He can buy 44 billion memes, but he needs help from Uncle Sam? Ridiculous!”
Trump claimed that Musk’s ventures were “great, just great” but insisted they had grown too dependent on taxpayer dollars. “SpaceX is nice, very nice. It’s like NASA but with better PR. But let’s be honest, Mars isn’t going anywhere, folks. It’s been there a long time. We can wait a few more years, can’t we? And Tesla—amazing cars, but you know what’s better? Gas-guzzling American trucks. No subsidies required.”
The former president also took aim at The Boring Company, labeling it “the most exciting company in the world.” “They’re digging holes, folks. Holes! We used to call that construction work. Now it’s a billion-dollar idea? Come on. If we stop giving Elon money for his tunnels, maybe he’ll finally start digging into his own pockets. Tremendous pockets, by the way. Tremendous.”
Musk, never one to shy away from a Twitter spat, responded within minutes. “What is Donald even talking about? Maybe someone should explain economics to him. Using small words.”
Economists were quick to point out that federal subsidies to Musk’s companies are relatively small compared to the broader deficit, but Trump dismissed their concerns. “I’ve seen the numbers, and they’re big. Huge! If we stop funding Elon’s little space toys, we’ll save at least… a lot of money. Believe me.”
While some dismissed the announcement as another of Trump’s publicity stunts, others couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer audacity. “Imagine a debate where it’s just Donald and Elon arguing about whose billions are better. America deserves that kind of entertainment.”
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