WASHINGTON, D.C. – The U.S. President Donald Trump has called for the “de-election” of Russian president Vladimir Putin, insisting that any cease-fire in Ukraine must be conditional on Putin stepping down.
“Look, folks, it’s been 25 years! That’s a long time, even for a dictator! People are tired, very tired. I know tired when I see it,” Trump told reporters while golfing. “Frankly, I think the Russian people deserve some fresh, new leadership. Someone young, dynamic—maybe even a reality TV star, who knows?”
Kremlin officials were reportedly confused by Trump’s demand, with one anonymous Russian diplomat asking, “What does ‘de-election’ even mean? Is he asking us to rewind time? We are not sure if he thinks this is an episode of The Apprentice.”
Meanwhile, sources say all Putin’s doubles were slightly confused before commenting, “Which one of us he meant? Who will tell the Russian people, which Putin’s double they should de-elect? And what will happen with Putin’s other doubles that will not be de-elected?.”
”The world now waits to see if Russia will consider this groundbreaking diplomatic proposal or simply live in collective denial,” Trump concluded his statement.
* Image: Flickr.com/Gage Skidmore