MAR-A-LAGO, FL – President-elect Donald Trump announced his visionary plan to rename the merger of Canada and United States as the “Mega United States of America” (MUSA).
This bold rebranding move, he claimed, comes in light of a future merger with Canada —something he insisted was basically already happening because of the “tremendous popularity” of his policies north of the border.
“People in Canada love me,” Trump declared. “They call me all the time, saying, ‘Donald, we want in.’ It’s going to be huge for both countries.”
Trump elaborated on his grand vision for MUSA, promising that the new entity would boast the best maple syrup, the best Mounties, and the best hockey teams, all under one big, beautiful flag.
He also suggested replacing the bald eagle with a beaver-eagle hybrid, which he called the “Beagler,” as the national symbol. “It’s a symbol of strength and craftsmanship,” Trump explained, “just like me. And it sounds incredible, doesn’t it? Beagler.”
When pressed for details on how this supposed merger would happen, Trump waved off questions, saying, “The deal’s already in the works. Canada doesn’t know it yet, but they’re going to love it. We’re going to bring them in so fast they won’t even have time to say ‘eh.’”
The announcement was met with a confused feelings in Canada. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, when asked about the news, simply replied, “Canada is not merging with anyone. But I have to admit, the Beagler is kind of adorable.”
* Image: Wikimedia commons commons cca-by-sa-2.0.
