WASHINGTON, D.C. – Experts are calling this monumental moment for beverage accessories, when the President Donald Trump hosted the first-ever delegation of plastic straws in the Oval Office, just the next after signing an executive order to end the ban on their use.
The delegation, consisting of several brightly colored straws, was said to be absolutely thrilled to be back in circulation after years of paper straw oppression.
“These are the best straws, the strongest straws – tremendous, really,” Trump declared. “No one likes those weak, soggy paper straws! They fall apart, they ruin drinks, just a disaster. But plastic? Plastic is strong, it’s American, and it lasts forever. Some say too long, but I say, fantastic!” The straws reportedly nodded silently all the time in agreement.
In a touching moment, Trump called the visiting straws “true patriots” for surviving the dark times.
Several critics, including environmentalists and sea turtles, were quick to condemn the event, but Trump dismissed their concerns. “Turtles? Come on. They don’t even drink Diet Coke,” he scoffed.
Meanwhile, sources say a group of paper straws attempted to organize a protest outside the White House, but they collapsed in a light drizzle before making their case.
As the event concluded, Trump gifted each of his staff members a commemorative plastic straw, promising that America would “never go soft again.”
* Image: Youtube.com