BOCA CHICA, TEXAS –After yesterday’s unsuccessful SpaceX launch, Elon Musk held a press conference this morning to announce a radical pivot in his aspirations.
“If I can’t conquer planet Mars right now, I’ll focus on planet Fitness instead.” Musk, wearing a pair of gym shorts emblazoned with the Tesla logo, explained that his new goal is to revolutionize the fitness industry.
“Mars will always be there, but these abs won’t sculpt themselves,” he quipped, flexing what can only be described as a modest bicep.
The billionaire entrepreneur detailed his plans for a new line of Tesla-branded exercise equipment. Among the highlights is the “Hyperloop Treadmill,” which promises to take users from zero to a six-minute mile in under 30 seconds. Also the “NeuralLift 3000,” a weightlifting machine that syncs with your brainwaves to adjust resistance based on how much effort you think you’re exerting.
“Why work out like it’s 2020 when you can train like it’s 3020?” Musk asked rhetorically, as reporters scribbled notes with expressions ranging from bewilderment to mild amusement.
Critics were quick to pounce on the announcement. Jeff Bezos, Musk’s longtime rival, tweeted, “Great idea, Elon. Maybe you’ll finally reach one goal – your daily step count.”
Musk, undeterred, responded in typical fashion: “Bezos should focus on delivering my Amazon orders on time before criticizing my fitness goals.”
The online banter quickly trended under #GymSpaceRace, as social media users speculated whether this was all part of Musk’s elaborate plan to sell more Dogecoin-branded protein powder.
While it’s unclear how long Musk’s fitness detour will last, one thing is certain: whether he’s aiming for the stars or the squat rack, Elon Musk knows how to keep the world on its toes – preferably while wearing Tesla sneakers and running on his $10,000 gym treadmill.
* Image: Wikimedia commons cca-by-sa-2.0 / Youtube.com
