WASHINGTON, D.C. – U.S. President Donald Trump has threatened “severe consequences# if Russia’s Vladimir Putin does not agree to peace in Ukraine.
President Trump has reportedly threatened, that if Putin does not agree with the peace, he may face “the most devastating punishment in the history of punishments” – the official end of their bromance.
“Our BROMANCE, you know, it has been the best one. May be the greatest BROMANCE in the history of mankind! You don\t want to risk with it, Vlad!” Trump wrote in the social media earlier today.
Speaking in the White House, Trump declared, “Nobody has ever ended a bromance bigger than mine. People are saying, ‘Sir, it can’t be done.’ I say, watch me. It will be the greatest breakup, maybe ever.”
Trump claimed his threat was “very severe, possibly the severest ever,” explaining that in addition to unfollowing Putin on social media, he would also revoke the coveted nickname “Vlad the Dictator” and replace it with “Vlad the Sad.”
“He’ll cry,” Trump predicted confidently, “and you know I’m right, because everybody cries when I dump them. Melania—well, never mind, but you get the point.”
Putin, when asked for comment, reportedly smirked and said, “We have no bromance. Only respect. And maybe matching suits. But mostly respect.”
Russian state television, however, has begun airing somber retrospectives of the two leaders’ history together, set to a slow, haunting rendition of YMCA.
The world now watches with bated breath as the most unusual peace negotiation in modern history unfolds – a high-stakes geopolitical chess game fueled less by territorial disputes and more by the fragile bonds of political friendship.
As one diplomat put it, “If this bromance actually collapses, forget about NATO – we’ll need the United Nations Department of Couples Counseling.”
* Image: Wikimedia commons cc-ac 2.0
