NUUK, GREENLAND – During his highly anticipated visit to Greenland, Vice President JD Vance expressed his astonishment at what he called “a serious branding issue” upon realizing that the massive Arctic island is mostly covered in ice.
“I mean, I was expecting lush fields, maybe some golf courses,” Vance admitted while staring in disbelief at an endless expanse of glaciers. “Who named this place? Was it some kind of Viking prank?”
Local officials, who had prepared briefings on Arctic geopolitics, climate change, and fishing rights, were instead met with a barrage of color-related inquiries.
“So, where’s the green part?” the vice president was overheard asking multiple times. One scientist attempted to explain that Greenland was named by Erik the Red as a marketing ploy in the 10th century, but Vance was reportedly unconvinced. “Sounds like fake news to me,” he muttered before slipping on an ice patch.
Despite the initial shock, Vance remained optimistic about U.S.- Greenland relations, even floating the idea of “rebranding” the country for better tourism appeal. “Maybe we start calling it ‘Chill-land’ or ‘Frost-topia,’” he suggested.
As his plane departed, sources say he was still shaking his head and muttering, “I just don’t get it… Iceland is greener than Greenland? Who’s in charge of this mess?”
* Image: Flickr.com/Gage Skidmore