SURPRISED U.S. GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES DISCUSSING THE NEW PROPOSED “GOV+ PREMIUM” SUBSCRIPTION PROPOSAL
Billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk announced his newest idea Gov+ Premium, a subscription-based service for U.S. government employees to keep their jobs.
The announcement has left Silicon Valley applauding, but has sent shock waves through federal agencies. Employees at the Department of Agriculture were seen googling how to apply for the position of an Uber driver, while NASA staff reportedly joked about selling space tours on Craigslist.
A reasonable monthly fee for the privilege of employment
Musk stated that federal workers could continue enjoying the privilege of employment for a reasonable monthly fee of $8. Critics noted the oddly specific pricing, which matches the cost of a verified Twitter checkmark. Musk defended the decision and explained that the price is only symbolic. “If you can afford coffee, you can afford democracy,” he added.
Under the proposed plan, government employees who subscribe to Gov+ Premium will receive exclusive perks, including access to “Faster Approvals Mode,” which promises expedited processing of grant requests, vacation leave, and even passport renewals.
Non-subscribers, however, will face delays, with a wait time of “anywhere between six weeks and 2029”. Musk explained that this freemium model ensures accountability. “You have to pay to play,” he said. “Or, in this case, to govern.”
“Fire Department Pro” to get premium response time in case of fire
Meanwhile, Musk also hinted at future expansion. “State and local governments can opt in soon,” he teased. “Imagine subscribing to ‘Fire Department Pro.’ For just $5 extra, your house fire gets premium response time.”
In response, firefighters union leader Greg Sparks declared, “This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Also, can someone verify if my hydrant is Gov+ compatible?”
“Gov+ Premium” will fix buggy “Gov 1.0”
White House officials have yet to comment officially, though sources say the Oval Office has been in chaos since the news broke. White House Press Secretary reportedly tried signing up for Gov+ Premium using a federal purchase card, only to discover it was declined due to insufficient funds.
In typical Musk fashion, he brushed off criticism with a tweet: “Gov 1.0″ was buggy. “Gov+ Premium” will fix it. You’re welcome.”
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