WASHINGTON, D.C.- President Donald Trump announced today that, after carefully rereading his own book The Art of the Deal, he has concluded that a “great deal” means giving Russian president Vladimir Putin everything he asks for – no questions asked.
The announcement followed Trump’s long phone conversation with Russian president yesterday and the critics followed thereafter, claiming that Trump agreed with every Russian demand even before the start of any negotiations.
Speaking from the White House Oval Office, Trump assured his supporters that this was a “tremendous, very tremendous” strategy that “nobody else thought of, believe me.”
“Look, folks, I wrote the greatest book on deals. Many people say it’s the best book ever written, even better than the Bible – some people say that, I don’t, but some do,” Trump explained.
“And in it, I realized, to make a Great deal, you have to give the other guy everything he wants. Putin – a strong guy, great guy – wants some things. And I say, why not? That’s called negotiating, okay? The Fake News won’t tell you that!” Trump continued.
When asked by reporters if this strategy might undermine U.S. interests, Trump waved them off. “Look, Sleepy Joe wouldn’t understand this, okay? But Putin, he’s smart, he’s strong. He rides horses without a shirt, I mean, come on!”
“You think I wouldn’t give him a little something? Maybe Alaska, maybe some nice hotels – who knows? But trust me, it’s the best deal. The Art of the Deal. Read the book!” He then abruptly ended the press conference, citing an urgent tee time.
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