WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a gesture of international friendship (or something stranger), Russian president Vladimir Putin reportedly sent U.S. President Donald Trump a luxurious gift: a box of premium Russian tea with a “special secret ingredient.”
Kremlin insiders claim the tea was personally selected by Putin himself to honor their long-standing bromance, which has fascinated political analysts and late-night comedians alike.
Trump, upon receiving the gift at the White House, reportedly gushed, “It’s the best tea, folks, absolutely the best. Nobody’s ever gotten tea like this. Putin knows I like only the finest things.”
When asked about the “special ingredient,” a Kremlin spokesperson simply smirked and said, “It certainly enhances …. something.” CIA analysts have since been spotted nervously whispering into their earpieces.
While some speculate the ingredient could be a rare Siberian herb, others suspect something a bit more KGB-flavored, like Russian origin radioactive substance polonium.
Trump has already announced plans to sell a limited edition “Trump-Putin Power Tea” at $99 per box, promising it will make drinkers “tremendously strong” and “very, very good at making deals.”
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