AUSTIN, TEXAS – Large group of Tesla shareholders have issued an ultimatum to CEO Elon Musk after the company’s stock plummeted more than 20% last month.
Investors, frustrated by the nosedive, are demanding that Musk send a company-wide email outlining five specific things he has done to increase Tesla’s value – otherwise, they will consider a hostile takeover, possibly by a coalition of disgruntled Twitter users and retired Dogecoin enthusiasts.
“We love Elon, but at this point, we need some reassurance that he’s doing more than tweeting and memes,” said one major shareholder, who requested anonymity.
“We know he’s busy with rockets, tunnels, and AI girlfriends, but Tesla needs a win. And no, another Cybertruck door test doesn’t count.” Sources close to Musk say he was last seen sketching a response in crayon on a napkin, with the first bullet point simply reading: “1. Survived.”
The hostile takeover plan reportedly includes replacing Musk with an AI clone of himself trained exclusively on his own tweets. Meanwhile, analysts speculate Musk may respond with an unexpected move, such as offering free Full Self-Driving subscriptions to anyone still holding Tesla stock.
As of press time, Musk was spotted posting a cryptic tweet: “What if the real shareholder value was the
* Image: Flickr.com/Gage Skidmore