THE HAGUE, NETHERLANDS – The Dutch government has requested the return of New Amsterdam – modern-day southern Manhattan – citing historical ownership and a trade imbalance caused by the 1667 Treaty of Breda.
The announcement comes hot on the recent news of Donald Trump’s infamous demand that Denmark sell Greenland to the United States, reigniting international debates over land rights, and sovereignty.
Speaking from The Hague, Dutch Prime Minister Dick Schoof declared, “If Greenland is up for grabs, then so is New Amsterdam. It’s only fair. We didn’t even get a proper receipt when we traded it for Suriname. At least Greenland comes with ice. Manhattan barely has any free parking space.”
Schoof added that, with the city’s real estate market booming, the Netherlands deserves reparations for surrendering what is now prime waterfront property.
U.S. officials have so far responded with a mix of confusion and amusement. “The Dutch gave up New Amsterdam voluntarily centuries ago,” said a bemused State Department spokesperson. “Besides, we have no intention of trading back. Suriname isn’t on the table, and Greenland isn’t for sale.”
Meanwhile, Donald Trump, when informed of the Dutch move, reportedly responded, “New Amsterdam? Great name. We might rename New York that anyway. Thanks for the idea!”
The Dutch proposal has sparked heated debates online, with some Manhattan residents offering cheeky support for a return to Dutch rule in exchange for free bicycles and tulips. Others worry this might disrupt Broadway and pizza delivery services.
As one New Yorker put it, “If the Dutch are serious, they better bring back the canals. At least then we’ll have somewhere to put all this snow.”
* Image: Flicker.com/Heather Paul, creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/