WASHINGTON, DC – In a preemptive strike against future meme culture, event organizers for Donald Trump’s inauguration, taking place on Monday, have made a bold announcement: every participant will receive a complimentary pair of Bernie Sanders’ famous mittens.
The cozy woolen handwear, which skyrocketed to meme stardom after Sanders’ stoic appearance at President Biden’s inauguration, is reportedly being distributed to “neutralize the internet’s creative chaos.”
“Our goal is simple,” said the event’s spokesperson, Ted Woolrich. “We want to eliminate any potential distractions that could overshadow the seriousness of the occasion. If everyone wears the same mittens, the internet will have no choice but to focus on the real stars of the show – and by stars, I mean the giant gold balloons with Trump’s name on them.”
Woolrich went on to confirm that the mittens are not only practical but also sustainably sourced, to keep things classy, yet vaguely relatable.
Reactions have been mixed. A former Trump advisor called the initiative a genius branding move, while critics online noted the irony of adopting Sanders’ famously frugal mittens as a symbol at a Trump-related event.
Sanders himself was reportedly amused by the idea, saying, “At least someone in that camp is finally focusing on the needs of the working hands of America.”
Meanwhile, reports suggest that organizers are bracing for unforeseen consequences. “We’re cautiously optimistic,” admitted Woolrich. “But if this somehow turns into a mitten-themed conga line meme, we’ll just have to accept it. You can’t fight the internet forever.”
* Image: Youtube.com