WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump’s administration has announced a plan to make TikTok so unmistakably American that China will want to copy it.
“We will Americanize it so much that without any doubt China will copy it,” a member of Trump’s administration commented.
“TikTok will be so red, white, and blue, they won’t know what hit them,” Trump said. “We’re talking bigly American. The best American. China’s going to be dancing to ‘YMCA’ – and trust me, they’ll be doing it terribly – by next Tuesday.”
The plan includes mandatory “Freedom Filters” that overlay every TikTok video with eagles, fireworks, and the Statue of Liberty. Users will also only be able to lip-sync to songs by Bruce Springsteen, Dolly Parton, or the MASH* theme song.
China has responded with cautious skepticism. A spokesperson from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs stated, “We are not sure why the United States thinks we would want to copy… whatever this is. But we will monitor the situation closely.”
“TikTok will be so American! China won’t know whether to laugh or cry – they’ll probably just steal it!” Trump said.
* Image: Wikimedia cca-by-sa-2.0 / Pixabay.com
