WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump and tech billionaire Elon Musk, responsible for the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) have announced the creation of RUSAID – an independent government funded, and totally not suspicious alternative agency to USAID.
The new RUSAID agency shall provide humanitarian assistance to one very specific individual: Russian President Vladimir Putin. The agency’s first project will be building a grandiose Putin presidential palace right next to Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida.
“This will be the best, most luxurious, most tremendous villa anyone has ever seen,” Trump declared at the unveiling, standing next to Musk, who nodded while live-tweeting the event.
“Putin is a great leader, strong guy, loves gold things just like me, and quite frankly, he deserves a beachfront retreat in America. RUSAID will make it happen. No collusion, by the way.” The plans reportedly include a personal fountain made of pure gold and a missile-proof vodka cellar.
Musk, meanwhile, announced that he would integrate Tesla solar panels, SpaceX rocket launch pads, and an underground Hyperloop tunnel connecting the villa to Moscow. “This is about innovation,” Musk explained.
When asked about the funding for RUSAID, Trump stated, “We’re going to make Mexico and Canada pay for it,” before staring aggressively at the cameras.
* Image: Youtube.com