LAS VEGAS, NEVADA – Local officials have declared the spontaneous combustion of Tesla cars in the city and across the Nevada state, not as acts of vandalism or electrical malfunction, but as an “enthusiastic and eco-friendly pre-celebration of Independence Day.”
According to the National Association of Festive Reinterpretations (NAFR), the sight of electric vehicles bursting into flames has been “misunderstood” and is actually “America’s boldest firework display yet, because zero rockets required.”
“Nothing says freedom quite like a lithium-ion battery putting on a fiery show,” said NAFR spokesperson Randy Sparks, adjusting his patriotic sunglasses. “We’ve traded sparklers for sparks and replaced bottle rockets with battery blowouts. It’s high time we let innovation lead the parade!”
Sparks went on to explain that these “celebratory ignitions” are helping Americans “reconnect with their fiery spirit, literally.”
Meanwhile, Tesla owners have been advised to “embrace the moment.” Many have started hosting tailgate parties around their smoldering vehicles, roasting marshmallows and sharing s’mores recipes on TikTok.
You can enjoy the early 4th of July festivities celebration here:
One enthusiastic participant claimed, “It’s the hottest car meet I’ve ever been to. Literally. Also, somebody please call my insurance.”
Elon Musk responded to the phenomenon on X, tweeting, “Spontaneous combustion is just Teslas showing their patriotism. Next year: Cybertruck Roman candles.”
As of press time, Ford executives were seen frantically Googling “how to make trucks shoot confetti safely.”
* Image: X.com/@Louaye1980