WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has reportedly ordered the National Guard to “restore law and order” in several U.S. cities overrun by heavily armed gangs identifying themselves as “ICE.”
According to Trump’s latest announcement, the gangs were “terrorizing neighborhoods, demanding immigration papers, and confusing everyone – including themselves.”
Witnesses in Chicago described chaotic scenes as National Guard units arrived, only to find that the so-called “ICE gangs” were, in fact, legitimate federal agents.
“It was like watching two mirrors fight,” said one bewildered bystander. “They kept yelling ‘freeze!’ at each other until everyone just sort of got tired and went home.”
When asked about the mix-up, Trump reportedly doubled down, insisting that “real ICE doesn’t exist anymore” and that “these guys are clearly impostors because the real ones would’ve voted for me.”
He further promised to “rebuild ICE, but this time, bigger, classier, and with gold badges,” claiming it would be “the best ICE anyone’s ever seen.”
Meanwhile, the Department of Homeland Security has urged calm, issuing a statement clarifying that ICE remains a functioning government agency and not a rogue militia.
Still, confusion reigns across the nation as residents brace for the next phase of Operation Melting Point – an initiative sources say now involves tracking down a “suspicious group” calling itself the FBI.
*Image: AI-generated