100 WAX STATUES OF US SENATORS EXHIBITED IN THE US SENATE CHAMBER
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what officials are calling “both a security breach and a surprisingly tasteful interior redesign,” 54-year-old Carl Beasley of Provo, Utah, has stunned the nation by installing 100 life-sized wax statues of U.S. Senators directly into the Senate chamber.
The statues, which Beasley claims took him “two years, 3,000 pounds of wax, and one divorce” to complete, are currently seated at every desk in the chamber, eerily frozen mid-gesture.
Capitol Police were initially alerted when staffers reported that several senators “were unusually silent and actually appeared to be listening.”
Officers rushed in only to discover the chamber full of disturbingly lifelike wax figures – many of which, according to Beasley, “look better fed than their real-life counterparts.”
“I figured they might work just as hard and cost the taxpayers less,” Beasley said, polishing the wax likeness of Senator Chuck Schumer.
Senate leaders have yet to remove the statues, citing an ongoing debate over whether the wax senators might in fact vote more efficiently. “They don’t filibuster, they don’t check their phones, and they smell faintly of vanilla,” noted one aide.
Meanwhile, Beasley has offered to replace any damaged statue free of charge, so long as he can “add just a little more hair” to certain senators “for accuracy.”
Tourists are flocking to the Capitol to see the bizarre display, with many remarking they can’t tell where the real senators end and the wax ones begin.
One visitor claimed they spotted a real senator napping next to his wax double, “probably just to see if anyone noticed.” So far, no one has.
* Image: Wikimedia commons cc-ac 2.0
