SPRINGFIELD, IL — In what experts are calling a bold new frontier in peer pressure, local mom Karen Whitmore has reportedly asked her 12-year-old son, Dylan, to cut off his penis and stop being so selfish after realizing she was the only parent in her Pilates class without a trans kid.
“All the other moms have one,” Karen lamented, adjusting her Lululemon leggings. “Jessica’s kid is non-binary, Lisa’s daughter is now her son, and even Pam – who I swear was a TERF last year – has a trans girl. But me? Just a boring ol’ cis kid. It’s humiliating.”
Sources say Karen has been casually dropping hints at dinner, replacing Dylan’s Xbox with a copy of Gender Queer and commenting, “Wow, doesn’t estrogen sound fun?” whenever trans issues come up on TikTok.
Dylan, for his part, remains unconvinced. “I like video games and fart jokes,” he said, perplexed. “My mom keeps asking if I ‘feel different inside’ and I’m like, yeah, I’m 12, everything feels weird.”
Meanwhile, local dads have reportedly begun forming an underground support group to discuss their collective confusion.
* Image: pxhere.com