LANGLEY, VIRGINIA- The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) has uncovered an elaborate Chinese plan to watch the United States collapse – by doing absolutely nothing.
Code-named Operation Just Wait and Chill, the plan allegedly involves China grabbing popcorn and enjoying the show as Americans handle the destruction themselves.
“We initially suspected cyberattacks or espionage,” admitted the CIA. “But after years of surveillance, we realized their strategy was… not a strategy. They’re literally just sitting there, watching our news, and laughing.”
The agency claims intercepted messages between Chinese officials include phrases like “Don’t interrupt, it’s getting good!” and “Let them figure out what TikTok bans and gas stoves are on their own.”
Experts say the genius of this approach lies in its simplicity. “Why waste resources destabilizing a country that’s already buying its own downfall wholesale?” said one geopolitical analyst.
“From culture wars to conspiracy theories, we’re the Netflix of national decline, and China has front-row seats.” The CIA even suspects Beijing may have hosted viewing parties of President Trump’s inauguration on January 20, complete with egg rolls and commentary.
* Image: Picryl.com