LOS ANGELES FIREFIGHTERS ARRIVE TO WARN A WILDFIRE TO STOP BURNING, OTHERWISE RISKING A HEFTY FINE BY THE CITY
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – To tackle the city’s ongoing wildfire problem, Karen Bass, the Mayor of Los Angeles announced today that all wildfires are now officially banned within city limits.
“This administration is taking a firm stand against these destructive flames,” the mayor declared at a press conference, flanked by a team of firefighters holding signs reading ‘Flames Are Out, Fines Are In.’
Under the new regulation, any wildfire that violates the ban will face hefty fines starting at $10,000. “Wildfires have been running rampant for far too long without any consequences,” the mayor said.
“Well, no more. If a fire starts in this city, it will face justice. We’re prepared to issue citations, hold accountability hearings, and, if necessary, send them to fire rehabilitation programs.” When asked how the fines would be collected, the mayor confidently responded, “We have ways.”
The city also plans to deploy “Fire Marshals on Patrol,” a fleet of drones equipped with megaphones that will hover over hotspots and shout warnings like, “Hey, flame! Extinguish yourself immediately or face penalties!”
Environmental groups have expressed cautious optimism, while skeptics point out that wildfires might not recognize municipal authority. “We’ll educate them,” said the mayor, “This is about enforcement and awareness.”
Critics have labeled the plan “a little too ambitious,” with some noting that the strategy could backfire (pun unintended).
Meanwhile, wildfire season seems unfazed, with a small brushfire reportedly seen smirking just outside city limits. Firefighters remain ready, jokingly issuing one statement of their own: “If this works, we’ll try banning earthquakes next.”
* Image: Wikimedia commons cca-by-sa-2.0. / cca-by-sa-2.0.
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