WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump held a press conference today to unveil his latest campaign slogan: “Make Russia Great Again!”
Flanked by golden curtains, a stack of Diet Cokes, and several very confused-looking leaders of the Republicans, Trump proudly announced that he had “thought long and hard” about what America truly needs right now.
“Folks, let’s be honest,” he said. “America? Already great. But Russia? Russia needs some help! And who better to do it than me, your favorite president?”
When asked whether aligning with Russia might be seen as, well, problematic, Trump waved off concerns. “Look, Vlad the Dictator – great guy, by the way, great guy – he calls me all the time, says, ‘Don, we miss you!’ And I say, ‘Vlad, don’t worry, we’re gonna fix this!’ Because let’s face it, Sleepy Joe? He made America boring again. Nobody wants that.”
Trump then went on a ten-minute tangent about how his 2013 trip to Moscow was “the best trip in history” and that “nobody throws a party like the Russians, believe me.”
Critics and allies alike were left scratching their heads. Senate Republicans scrambled to either distance themselves or find a way to spin the slogan as “actually about American patriotism.”
As the press conference ended, Trump promised his supporters that he would soon be selling “MRGA” hats, embroidered with an elegant hammer and sickle.
“They’re going to be the best hats, believe me, made in China, but only the best part of China,” he added.
Sources close to the campaign confirm that despite the backlash, Trump remains committed to his slogan, claiming, “Hey, at least it’s not ‘Build Back Better,’ right?”
* Image: X.com