MOSCOW, RUSSIA – Russia has reportedly sent not one, not two, but three President Vladimir Putin doubles to Istanbul peace talks this week, baffling international observers and leaving ICC (International Criminal Court, which has issued its international arrest order for Vladimir Putin) officials scratching their heads — and their legal dictionaries.
Kremlin insiders say the move is part of a new strategy dubbed “Operation Matryoshka,” which aims to confuse arrest attempts by nesting identical Putin doubles like Russian dolls.
“We cannot confirm which one is the real Putin,” said a flustered UN interpreter, as all three Putin doubles simultaneously delivered opening remarks, each insisting they were the original and the others were “highly realistic decoys with strong opinions on geopolitics and judo.”
Eyewitnesses claim the Putin doubles took turns sipping tea, signing documents, and glaring intensely at NATO representatives, making it virtually impossible to distinguish who’s actually in charge.
Security officials were reportedly overwhelmed trying to determine which Putin had jurisdictional immunity, which one was AI-generated, and which one just really liked cosplay.
The ICC has so far declined to issue any arrests, citing “an unusually high density of plausible deniability.”
Meanwhile, Turkey’s President Erdoğan is said to be negotiating with all three Putin doubles separately, hoping at least one will agree to a ceasefire and the other two might just buy some Turkish sweets on the way out.
As of press time, a fourth Putin double has allegedly been spotted at a nearby kebab shop, demanding extra garlic sauce “for the motherland.”
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