ANCHORAGE, ALASKA – In a development few saw coming U.S. officials reportedly informed the Kremlin on Wednesday that Russian president Vladimir Putin will be “strongly encouraged” to wear a suit when meeting the U.S. President during Friday’s summit in Alaska.
The request, described by State Department insiders as “Operation Suit Up,” was allegedly sparked by concerns Putin might appear in his trademark outfit – wearing just hunting trousers and showing off his shirtless torso – “thus blurring the line between a geopolitical summit and a moose hunting documentary.”
Sources claim that Vice President JD Vance has been quietly preparing for a worst-case scenario: personally delivering an emergency 45-minute lecture on “Formal Attire in the Presence of the Commander-in-Chief” should Putin arrive in anything less than a two-piece suit.
“We’ve got slides, handouts, and a tailor on standby,” one aide confided. “This isn’t just diplomacy – it’s about respecting the time-honored American tradition of overthinking clothing choices.”
The Russian side has yet to officially respond, though anonymous insiders hinted Putin is considering a compromise: a three-piece suit with a tactical fishing vest “for authenticity.”
One Kremlin adviser reportedly dismissed the American request as “a typical Western overemphasis on neckties,” adding, “Our president’s power is not measured in cufflinks.”
Meanwhile, Alaskan locals are bracing for the media spectacle, with one Anchorage diner offering a “Protocol Pancake Special” in honor of the meeting. As one waitress put it, “I don’t care if he wears a suit, a sweater, or a bear pelt – just make sure the man tips.”
