MAR-A-LAGO, FL – President-elect Donald Trump announced his ambitious plan to “unite the United States and Canada into one great, tremendous super-nation.”
The proposal promises to bring freedom, prosperity and greatness of two nations together like never before. Trump, however, added a sharp remark at Canada’s most beloved sports, describing ice-hockey as “some strange Canadian sport where they play golf on ice and try to kick a weirdo black thing instead of a normal golf ball.”
“I mean, have you seen it? It’s a disaster,” Trump said, addressing reporters while holding a golf club. “They’re out there skating around like Bambi on ice, trying to hit this black weird thing with sticks. It’s not even a proper ball! Golf is classy. Hockey? Sad. We’re going to replace it with something much better – maybe ice golf with real golf balls. Much more elegant.”
Trump assured Canadians that they would “love it” once they experienced the full glory of really great ice-golf instead of ice-hockey.
“We’ll keep the maple syrup, we’ll keep the moose, but hockey? It’s gotta go, folks. We’ll be tremendous at curling, though. It’s like sweeping, which I hear the Canadians are great at. Fantastic people, very clean floors,” Trump added.
In closing, Trump doubled down on his vision: “Hockey may have been great for Canada, but it’s time to move on to bigger, better things—like golf on ice. We’ll make it huge, folks. Tremendous.”
* Image: Wikimedia commons cca-by-sa-2.0. / commons cca-by-sa-2.0
