NEW YORK CITY, NY – In a shocking turn of events, local resident Jordan Michaels, 34, has reportedly gone “back to binary” after uninstalling TikTok from his phone.
Once a proud advocate for the non-binary community, Jordan claims the decision was made moments after TikTok bombarded him with yet another 3-hour deep dive on the “gender spectrum of frogs.”
“I just got exhausted,” Jordan admitted, sipping a black coffee (no sugar, no oat milk). “One second, I was confidently they/them, and the next, some 19-year-old with a nose ring and a sociology degree from TikTok was telling me I might actually be a ‘gendervoid fluxwave.’ I snapped. I deleted the app, took a deep breath, and suddenly… boom. He/Him.”
Experts remain baffled, with some speculating that prolonged TikTok exposure may cause “gender fatigue.” Meanwhile, Jordan has reportedly embraced his “new” identity by purchasing a three-pack of white crew socks and developing a sudden interest in grilling.
When asked if he regretted the switch, he shrugged. “Honestly, I just wanted some peace. But if TikTok ever fixes its algorithm, who knows? Maybe I’ll be back.”
* Image: Pixabay.com