THESE RUSSIAN DRUNKS MAY OR MAY NOT BE RELATED TO THIS STORY
ST. PETERSBURG, RUSSIA – A Russian politician Oleg Kozlov. from St Petersburg, Russia reportedly went an astonishing 137 minutes without consuming a single drop of vodka, shattering his previous record of 127 minutes.
The milestone, hailed by some as a testament to his iron will and unwavering focus, was confirmed by the Russian Olympic Committee in a press release Tuesday morning.
The Russian Olympic Committee also confirmed that the new record has officially been fixed as the new Russian national record – there is no official information that any Russian has ever avoided consumption of vodka longer than Kozlov.
The event reportedly took place during a city government meeting on cultural reform, a Sunday, when Kozlov, known for his love of traditional Russian spirits, was “fully absorbed in discussing financial support to local museums.”
Witnesses claim the room grew tense as Kozlov glanced at a glass of water multiple times but ultimately resisted temptation. “We didn’t think he’d make it past 120 minutes,” one attendee admitted. “At 115 minutes, we started a slow clap.”
Russian state media aired a special highlight reel of the record-breaking feat, complete with dramatic slow-motion shots of Kozlov refusing a tray of vodka shots offered by an aide.
Many Russians were quick to react, with some hailing him as an “inspiration to all Russians,” while others jokingly speculated that he may be preparing for a run at sobriety as extreme as his policies.
When asked about the accomplishment, Kozlov smiled and said, “It was tough, but if I can go 137 minutes without vodka, perhaps I can also survive a few days without smoking.”
One thing is certain: Russian history was made, one sober minute at a time.
* Image: X.com