EL PASO, TX – The U.S. government announced today that sections of the border wall will now be available for corporate sponsorship.
“Why should sports arenas and halftime shows have all the fun?” said White House spokesperson. “Now, you can enjoy watching the border… brought to you by your favorite brands.”
Companies have already lined up for the chance to plaster their logos across concrete barriers. One section is proudly sponsored by DraftKings, complete with daily fantasy football stats displayed on digital billboards.
Nearby, a stretch of wall flaunts the unmistakable golden arches of McDonald’s, encouraging travelers and tourists alike to “Grab a Big Mac… and a little freedom!”
Meanwhile, the tech giant Tesla has offered to install solar panels along another section, promising that the wall will now power your smartphone while keeping the nation secure.
The Wall Marketing Division, a newly created government office, claims that sponsorships will help fund maintenance and future expansions. “We see this as a win-win,” said Division Director Ted “Brick” Johnson. “Corporations get unmatched brand visibility, citizens get partial funding for border infrastructure, and everyone enjoys themed selfies.”
Critics, however, worry about commercializing national security. “Next thing you know, people will be posting Instagram stories from the ‘Bud Light Sector’,” warned one senator, while sipping a sponsor-free cup of coffee.
In a bold move to attract younger audiences, the government plans to integrate augmented reality experiences for certain sections.
“Scan the wall with our official app, and you might get a free Doritos coupon… or a pop quiz about immigration law,” explained Johnson.
Meanwhile, graffiti artists have reportedly requested permission to “collaborate” with corporate messages, creating a “sponsored street-art vibe.”
As the Wall goes full Madison Avenue, one thing is clear: nationalism has never looked so brand-friendly.
*Image: AI-generated