NEW YORK, NY – In a move that has left both analysts and fans reeling, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced Monday that the winner of Super Bowl LX on February 8, 2026, will be determined by an unprecedented new system: whichever team finishes with more points than the other will be declared champion.
League officials are calling the change “a bold leap forward in competitive fairness,” while mathematicians are praising it as “technically correct.”
The bombshell announcement, delivered at a hastily arranged press conference, has been described by insiders as “a fundamental reimagining of the sport” and “kind of just how numbers work.” Sources confirm this radical idea came after years of fan complaints that the rules were “just too confusing.”
“Fans have been asking for more clarity,” said NFL spokesperson Chip Yardline during a press conference. “So, we’re simplifying things. If Team A scores 27 points and Team B only scores 24, guess what? Team A wins. No coin flips, no decimal tiebreakers, just good old-fashioned arithmetic. We’re calling it the ‘Greater-Than Rule,’ and we think it’s going to revolutionize sports forever.”
The announcement has already sparked bitter controversy across the league. The Chicago Bears front office released a furious statement accusing the NFL of “rigging the rules against teams who are bad at scoring.”
Meanwhile, the New York Jets have reportedly vowed to boycott the game entirely unless the NFL reinstates their preferred system of “winning spiritually, even if the scoreboard disagrees.”
The announcement has already sent shockwaves through the league. Coaches are scrambling to design strategies that revolve around the novel concept of “scoring more than your opponent.”
Early reports suggest playbooks are being hastily rewritten with bold new plays such as “Try to Get a Touchdown” and “Don’t Let Them Get One.”
One anonymous head coach reportedly asked, “Wait… so if we just kick more field goals, we can win?!” before fainting.
Meanwhile, Vegas oddsmakers are rushing to adjust betting lines, with some already taking action on which team will figure out the “score more points” loophole first.
Fans are equally electrified. “It’s so simple, it’s genius!” said longtime football enthusiast Randy “Nacho” Ramirez. “I used to think winning the Super Bowl was about fancy helmets and who had Tom Brady, but turns out… it’s just math.”
*Image: AI-generated