WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking but somehow not surprising announcement, the National Prank Council (NPC) has officially canceled April Fools’ Day 2025, citing the sheer impossibility of coming up with any prank that would be more absurd than real-life events.
“We reviewed all planned pranks since 1885, but none could outdo the fact that the incumbent president is simultaneously running the office, facing 97 legal charges, threatening to annex Canada, Greenland and Panama,” said NPC spokesperson Lisa Jester. “At this point, reality itself is the joke.”
Pranksters nationwide have thrown in the towel, admitting defeat to recent headlines. “I was going to tell my boss I accidentally transferred a million dollars to my personal account,” said one disappointed office worker. “But then I realized that’s just a Tuesday for Congress.”
Major media outlets also conceded, stating that no satirical headline could possibly outdo the real news. The Jokers World’s editorial board reportedly took an emergency retreat to “figure out what’s even left to exaggerate.”
Meanwhile, satirical institutions are struggling to adapt. Comedy Central has announced a new segment called “Just the Facts”, where they simply read unedited news stories out loud.
The Weekly Fun magazine, desperate for fresh material, attempted to run a headline reading “Government Operates Smoothly for One Full Day”, but was immediately flagged by AI fact-checkers as “too unrealistic.”
With no need for additional pranks, officials have encouraged the public to simply open their news apps for a good laugh. “Honestly, just sit back and refresh Twitter or Truth Social,” Jester concluded. “The biggest joke is already happening in real time.”
* Image: valleyviewret.com