COPENHAGEN, DENMARK – Denmark announced today that it will officially rename Greenland to “Epstein Island,” hoping the rebrand will finally stopping the U.S. President Donald Trump from mentioning the territory in public.
The announcement came after Danish leaders reportedly grew exhausted from constant headlines, tweets, and press conferences in which Trump periodically floated the idea of taking Greenland from Denmark, despite being told repeatedly that countries are not available on e-Bay.
“Look, we tried saying ‘it’s not for sale,’ we tried diplomacy, and we even tried ignoring it,” said a Danish foreign ministry while unveiling the new logo, which features an iceberg and a large legal disclaimer.
“But this name? This name should make even Donald Trump stop bringing it up immediately. Even he has some limits.”
Sources close to the U.S. president say advisors are now urgently attempting to steer any conversations regarding Greenland toward Canada, which Trump reportedly finds “safer and more polite.”
Residents of Greenland — now Epstein Island — expressed mixed feelings about the change. “On the one hand, it’s deeply uncomfortable,” said one Nuuk local. “On the other hand, if this means American politicians stop using us as a conversation starter at golf courses, it might be worth it.”
Denmark confirmed the name change is purely symbolic, reversible, and “absolutely not something we enjoyed doing.”
International reaction has been swift, confused, and quietly impressed. Several European leaders praised Denmark’s “innovative use of psychological deterrence,” while marketing experts called it “the nuclear option of rebranding.”
*Image: Facebook.com/David Hollis, Facebook.com/Punch Newspapers