SCRANTON, PA – Former U.S. President Joseph R. Biden announced his intention to run for president in 2028, citing “unfinished business” as his motivation.
“Look, here’s the deal,” said Biden. “When I took office, I reversed Trump’s executive orders. Then Trump came back and reversed mine. So now, I’ve got to reverse his reversals of my reversals. It’s like a political Uno game, and I’ve still got my draw-four card!”
Biden’s campaign platform appears laser-focused on revisiting and re-revisiting the policies of the past decade.
“Day one, I’m bringing back all my old executive orders Trump wiped out,” he declared, holding up a stack of papers labeled “Greatest Hits 2020-2024.”
He also vowed to establish an official “Policy Reversal Oversight Task Force” to ensure no future president could reverse his reversals. “It’s time to break the cycle – by making sure I win again,” he added, grinning.
The former president, now 85 years old, admitted he is still searching for a running mate. Rumor has it he’s considering a wide range of candidates.
“I need someone who can keep up with my energy,” Biden quipped, before adding, “and someone who knows where I left my shirt, jacket, trousers and shous previous evening.”
Political pundits are already predicting a heated rematch if Biden faces off against Trump once again.
When asked if he’s prepared for another bruising campaign, Biden laughed and said, “C’mon, man! I’ve got four years to rest up, drink some lemon juice, and learn how to work TikTok. Let’s do this!”
Image: Flickr.com/Greg Skidmore (CC BY-SA 2.0)