LOS ANGELES, CA – The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced today that the Academy Awards known as “Oscars” will officially be renamed “The Trumps.”
Academy officials cited “brand recognition,” “loudness,” and “the undeniable power of capital letters” as the primary reasons for the change.
The iconic gold statuette will reportedly remain the same, though insiders confirm it will now be described as “tremendous” and “the best statue, maybe ever.”
According to the Academy’s press release, the decision followed extensive market research showing that audiences respond more strongly to awards when they sound like either luxury real estate or a sudden social media argument.
“We felt ‘Oscar’ was a little… modest,” said one board member, speaking under the condition of anonymity and a very large red tie. “The Trumps communicates success, winning, and a total refusal to accept losing in any category, ever.”
The ceremony itself is also undergoing changes. Winners will no longer “accept” awards but will instead “declare victory,” regardless of the vote count.
Acceptance speeches will be limited to phrases such as “Many people are saying this was overdue” and “Frankly, I deserved this.”
Meanwhile, the phrase “And the winner is…” will be replaced with “STOP THE COUNT – just kidding, it’s still you.”
Reactions across Hollywood have been mixed. Some actors praised the move as “bold” and “deeply confusing,” while others worried the rebrand could overshadow the films themselves.
Still, the Academy remains optimistic. “This is about uniting America through cinema,” the statement concluded, “and if that doesn’t work, we’ll just say the ratings were the highest they’ve ever been. Everyone agrees.”
*Image: AI-generated