WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump reportedly announced he has “temporarily exhausted the strategic reserve” of humiliating nicknames traditionally deployed against female reporters.
Sources close to the president say that the president was last seen staring at a legal pad labeled ‘Very Good Nicknames’, sighing heavily, and muttering, “I’ve used all the best ones. Tremendous nicknames. Some people are saying the greatest ever.”
According to aides, the shortage has forced Trump to consider a brief, highly controversial pause in the practice of publicly assigning demeaning monikers during press interactions.
“It’s not that he wants to stop,” one aide clarified. “It’s more of a creative timeout. Like a writer’s retreat, but louder, angrier, and on cable news.”
The pause is expected to last until inspiration strikes or a new reporter asks a question he doesn’t like, whichever comes first.
Political analysts note that the announcement has sent shock waves through media circles, where reporters are struggling to process the idea of being addressed without an added layer of playground-style branding.
“It’s unsettling,” said one correspondent. “I’ve trained for years to ignore the substance of the nickname and focus on the policy dodge that follows. Now what am I supposed to do – just ask questions?”
Trump himself addressed the matter in a statement, insisting the pause should not be interpreted as growth or reflection.
“I respect women very much, maybe more than anyone, but nicknames are very hard work,” he said. “You can’t rush genius. I’ll be back. Everyone knows I always come back.”
At press time, aides confirmed he was workshopping new ideas with a whiteboard, three Sharpies, and an unshakable confidence.
*Image: AI-generated