MOSCOW, RUSSIA – In a bold and completely logical military strategy, Russia has reportedly begun blowing up its own power stations before Ukraine gets the chance to target them.
According to Kremlin officials, this “brilliant tactical maneuver” will leave Ukrainian forces utterly confused and without objectives, proving once again that Russia is always one step ahead – even if that step leads off a cliff.
“We have outsmarted the enemy by denying them targets,” declared a Russian defense spokesperson. “If we have no electricity, they cannot bomb our electricity. Checkmate, NATO!”
The announcement came shortly after several key power stations were mysteriously reduced to rubble, leaving entire regions in darkness. Citizens were advised to “stay warm with patriotism” as state media reassured them that candles and campfires were a “spiritually enriching alternative” to modern infrastructure.
Ukrainian officials have expressed deep concern. “At this rate, they’ll destroy their entire country before we even get there,” said one Ukrainian military source. “Honestly, we’re not sure whether to adjust our tactics or just let them finish the job themselves.”
* Image: dialog.ua