WASHINGTON, B.C.- In a stunning moment of candor rare for a Cabinet official, U.S. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent accidentally revealed the true meaning of one of Washington’s most beloved diplomatic clichés.
Speaking at a press briefing Tuesday, Bessent explained that when government officials declare “All options are on the table,” what they actually mean is “We are not going to do anything, but we want you to think we might.”
The comment, delivered with the casual tone of a man explaining the main principles of activity of the Trump cabinet, reportedly caused several aides to choke on their complimentary sparkling water.
“It’s basically just political yoga,” Bessent elaborated. “We stretch the phrase out, bend it into different shapes, and it looks impressive. But at the end of the day, it’s really just sitting still in a slightly uncomfortable position.”
Market analysts quickly weighed in, noting that the Treasury Secretary’s admission could save investors valuable time.
“Usually we waste days wondering what ‘all options’ means – sanctions, tariffs, military action, interpretive dance?” said one Wall Street trader. “Now we know it means they’re going to send a strongly worded tweet and then call it a day. Honestly, this is the clarity we’ve been begging for.”
When pressed by reporters about whether this honesty might undermine U.S. credibility abroad, Bessent shrugged.
“Look, everyone already knew. Foreign leaders hear ‘all options are on the table’ and immediately start planning their golf weekends. I’m just saying the quiet part out loud. And by the way, that’s also what ‘we’re monitoring the situation closely’ means.”
*Image: X.com/@KateKharkiv