OTTAWA, CANADA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced today that Canada will formally apply to join the European Union in response to U.S. President Donald Trump’s latest round of tariffs on Canadian goods exported to the United States, like maple syrup and hockey sticks
“If the United States insists on treating us like an outsider, we might as well make it official and find new economic BFFs,” Trudeau said today on a press conference.
The EU, initially baffled by Canada’s sudden enthusiasm for membership, responded cautiously. “We were not aware that Canada was located in Europe,” said a confused EU spokesperson. “But we do like their free healthcare and politeness, so we’re open to discussions.”
Meanwhile, British Prime Minister Keir Stramer reportedly sighed, “Great, now even Canada wants in while we’re still figuring out how to leave.”
Trump, upon hearing the news, took to his newly launched social media platform Truth Social to declare, “Sad! Canada was always a great part of America. Terrible decision! EU is a disaster, everyone knows that! Maple syrup will be taxed BIGLY!”
In response, Trudeau simply admitted that Canada was “fully embracing its new European identity.”
As Canada prepares for its European debut, logistical issues remain unresolved, including how to physically relocate the country and whether the entire population must start learning English and French that are among other official languages of European Union.
Regardless, Trudeau remains optimistic. “If we play our cards right, we might even qualify for Eurovision Song contest,” he said.
* Image: Flickr.com/European Parliament