MOSCOW, RUSSIA – His Celestial Majesty Emperor of China Xi Jinping graced the frosty frontier of the Northern Chinese province of Russia this week, where he was warmly received by regional governor Pu Tin, also known locally as “Tsar-ish Administrator of Greater Siberia.”
Governor Pu Tin greeted the Emperor with traditional Russian-Chinese hybrid rituals, including a ceremonial offering of vodka with blinis (Russian pancakes).
“It is great honor to welcome the Great Leader to our humble northern outpost,” said Governor Pu Tin, bowing so low that almost touching the ground with his forehead. He added, “We remain ever loyal to the central harmony and report all NATO movements promptly, as per village curfew guidelines.”
In his imperial address, Xi praised the region’s performance. “The Russian province has exceeded five-year quotas for energy production and shirtless horse-riding,” the Emperor declared. “The spirit of Sino-Slavic socialism lives strong in this semi-autonomous icebox.”
Before departing, Emperor Xi knighted Pu Tin with the prestigious Order of Eternal Obedience and gifted him a limited-edition jade missile.
The ceremony concluded with a fireworks display visible from the International Space Station.
* Image: X.com