LANGLEY, VA – The CIA has announced that all field agents must now work from home at least three days a week, citing concerns over burnout and the need for a better work-life balance.
The move, which applies to undercover operatives, international spies, and even deep-cover assets, has left intelligence experts scratching their heads – and some agents scrambling to install secure Wi-Fi in their secret hideouts.
“We believe even the most elite spies deserve time to recharge,” said the CIA top-management in a memo marked “For Your Eyes Only” but immediately leaked.
“From now on, agents will be expected to conduct covert operations, surveillance, and even interrogations via Zoom. Yes, even with the blurry background feature enabled,” agency’s spokesperson commented.
Agents, however, are reportedly struggling to adapt. “It’s impossible,” lamented one anonymous operative. “I was supposed to trail a high-value target in Istanbul, but HR told me I had to do it remotely. Do you know how hard it is to eavesdrop when your microphone keeps cutting out?”
At the same time the agency’s IT department is overwhelmed with requests to troubleshoot encrypted messaging channels and ensure that assassination orders aren’t accidentally sent to the company-wide email thread.
Despite skepticism, the CIA remains committed to flexible work. “It’s the future of espionage,” said a spokesperson. “Besides, we’ve been watching people through their webcams for years—now it’s just official policy.”
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