COPENHAGEN, DENMARK- In an emergency press conference held next to a very large LEGO box labeled “Ages 4–99”, the Danish government announced plans to construct a massive LEGO wall around Greenland to protect it from what officials described as “enthusiastic but confusing signals of U.S. interest.”
The wall, expected to be the largest LEGO structure ever attempted by adults without supervision, will feature interlocking bricks in classic red, blue, and yellow, because “neutral colors would send the wrong message.”
According to Denmark’s Ministry of Defense and Play, the LEGO Wall will be both symbolic and mildly inconvenient.
“We’re not trying to stop anyone permanently,” said a spokesperson while stepping on a brick and briefly reconsidering the project. “But if a foreign power is truly committed, they must first endure the pain of bare feet on LEGO. That is deterrence.”
Early designs also include tiny LEGO guards with extremely stern smiles and detachable helmets.
The United States responded cautiously, with officials stating they were “deeply concerned” but also “kind of impressed.”
Pentagon sources confirmed they are currently evaluating whether the wall qualifies as infrastructure, art installation, or an elaborate prank.
“Our analysts are still arguing over whether it can be dismantled by diplomacy or just by sorting the bricks back into the wrong boxes,” one official admitted.
Construction is set to begin already this month, pending weather conditions and Denmark’s ability to locate the instruction manual, which officials concede was last seen in 1997.
If successful, the wall may be expanded with optional LEGO add-ons, including a welcome center, gift shop, and a small sign reading: “Please Do Not Touch. Seriously. It Will Collapse.”
*Image: Facebook.com/Jerry Gillar