SANTA TERESA, NEW MEXICO – During a press conference on Tuesday DHS Secretary Kristi Noem announced that the U.S.–Mexico border wall will soon be covered in rainbow colors, fulfilling what she described as a “very special and visionary request” from former President Donald Trump.
According to Noem, Trump personally pitched the idea, reasoning that “nobody normal would ever want to sneak into a place that looks this woke.”
At a press conference, Noem defended the unorthodox plan, noting that the rainbow paint would not only serve as a deterrent but also come with “the added benefit of reducing illegal graffiti, since the wall will already look like it was vandalized by a unicorn.”
When asked whether this might actually make the wall more photogenic and attractive, Noem shook her head vigorously.
“No, trust me, once unwanted incoming immigrants see the wall looking like a Pride parade float sponsored by Sherwin-Williams, they’ll think twice,” she assured reporters.
Trump himself weighed in on Truth Social, calling it “the most beautiful, the most fabulous wall you’ve ever seen – people are saying it’s the gayest wall in history, and they love it. Except the migrants, they hate it, which is perfect.”
He further promised that Mexico would still pay for the paint job, claiming he’d already struck a deal with “a tremendous paint factory, the best paint factory, probably in Tijuana.”
Critics, however, remain skeptical. Immigration advocates argue that a rainbow wall is unlikely to deter desperate families seeking safety, while fashion experts worry the color scheme will clash with Texas desert tones.
Meanwhile, Home Depot shares skyrocketed on the news, as Americans rushed to stockpile rainbow paint in case the government runs out. As one analyst put it, “Love it or hate it, the border wall is about to be more Instagrammable than Coachella.”
* Image: rawpixel.com / AI