WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a geopolitical plot twist nobody saw coming (except maybe Putin’s personal astrologer), the Moscow Kremlin has totally taken over the White House, declaring the United States a “proud and obedient vassal state” of Mother Russia.
“We have achieved what Napoleon and Hitler could only dream of – dominating the United States without firing a single shot,” the Kremlin declared
“When Russia started our aggression against Ukraine and planned to take it over within 3 days, we never could had thought that we succeed taking over Washington and the United States instead,” the Kremlin cheered in slight astonishment.
President Donald trump, now officially demoted to “Senior Assistant to the Grand Tsar Putin,” reportedly asked if he still gets weekends off, while Congress plans quickly pass a resolution legalizing vodka as the American national beverage.
At the same time president Trump immediately claimed credit for his submission, stating, “I always said we should be closer to Russia – mission accomplished!”
As a sign of goodwill, Putin has offered every American household a free copy of War and Peace and mandated that all Netflix subscriptions be replaced with reruns of Soviet ballet performances.
With Putin now ruling the U.S. remotely from his secret bunker, experts say this is the most peaceful America has been in years.
* Image: Wikimedia commons CC-AS 2.0 / Wikimedia commons CC-AS 2.0 / Pixabay.com
