ZURICH, SWITZERLAND – International Association Football Federation (FIFA) announced today it is “seriously considering” awarding U.S. President Donald Trump the first ever ‘Super World Peace Prize for the Most Peace’.
The organization praised Trump’s “ unprecedented ability to unite absolutely everyone in panic,” noting that provoking both a potential world war and a civil war simultaneously requires “elite, once-in-a-generation destabilization talent.”
According to FIFA officials, the prize recognizes a bold new definition of peace: one achieved by pushing global tensions so far that humanity is forced to pause, sigh deeply, and reconsider everything.
“When conflicts reach maximum chaos, they cancel each other out,” explained a spokesperson while carefully avoiding eye contact. “This is advanced peace theory. Very advanced. Almost offside.”
Trump responded enthusiastically, claiming the honor was “tremendous, maybe the most peaceful prize ever,” and adding that no one provokes wars more peacefully than he does.
“People say, ‘Sir, how do you start so many conflicts at once?’ and I say it’s natural talent,” Trump said, before suggesting the prize ceremony be held at one of his golf courses “for global unity purposes.”
Critics were quick to object, but FIFA dismissed concerns, reminding the public that it once gave the World Cup to Qatar in summer and therefore “does not respond to the concept of irony.”
*Image: AI-generated