CHARLESTON, VW – Several MAGA (“Make America Great Again”) activists announced that the winter storm ongoing in U.S is not a natural weather event, but rather conspiracy by liberals to make people buy more warm clothing. Such clothing is convenient for wearing during winter time, but mostly unsuitable for summer season.
The activists suspect that this ongoing liberal “winter storm” conspiracy happening right now has been invented and paid for by liberals and right-wing extremists to “make patriots feel cold.”
According to the group, the storm, known to meteorologists as “just winter”, has been funded by shadowy liberal donors who are “weaponizing precipitation” to distract voters from important issues like illegal immigration and raising inflation.
“This snow didn’t just fall,” explained one MAGA activist while chiseling ice off his truck. “It arrived with an agenda.” He pointed to strong winds as evidence of “radical gusts,” noting that snowflakes all look suspiciously alike, “like they were mass-produced in a coastal elite factory.”
Another activist added that the storm’s timing, exactly during winter season, was “far too convenient to be a coincidence.”
The group further alleged that the storm is being coordinated by Big Parka, an industry they claim profits billions every year from fear-based layering.
“Ever notice how they always say ‘bundle up’?” asked a man wearing three scarves and anger. “That’s indoctrination.” He went on to accuse mittens of being a gateway garment and claimed shovels are “clearly part of the deep state infrastructure.”
When asked for evidence, organizers cited a Facebook post, a vibes-based forecast, and the undeniable fact that it was, quote, “way colder than freedom should be.”
The storm itself declined to comment but continued aggressively snowing, which supporters say only proves it has something to hide.
*Image: AI-generated