WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a bold new move to combat what officials are calling “price-related sadness,” the Trump administration announced a proposed federal law that would prohibit gas stations nationwide from displaying fuel prices on their signs.
According to administration sources, the measure – informally dubbed the “Fuel Positivity Act” – is designed to shield Americans from the emotional distress of watching numbers climb higher than the national average blood pressure.
At a press conference Tuesday, a spokesperson explained that the real problem isn’t the price of gasoline but the “psychological impact of visible numerals.”
“When people see $7.49 on a giant glowing sign, it creates unnecessary disappointment,” the official said. “If the number isn’t there, drivers can approach the pump with optimism, curiosity, and the same adventurous spirit they bring to opening a restaurant menu without prices.”
Gas station owners would instead be encouraged to display “motivational messages” where prices once stood.
Draft guidance suggests phrases like ‘Fueling Your Journey!’, ‘Trust the Process!’, and ‘It’s About the Memories, Not the Miles!’. One pilot station reportedly replaced its price board with a rotating LED message reading, “Gas: Still Cheaper Than a Horse (Probably).”
Economists are divided on the plan. Some argue the policy could lead to “surprise budgeting,” a thrilling new financial experience where consumers only discover the cost of a fill-up after inserting their credit card.
Others warn it may simply encourage drivers to circle parking lots slowly while whispering, “Please don’t be terrible,” before committing to the pump.
The administration, however, remains confident that if Americans can’t see the prices, they might at least briefly believe everything is going great.
*Image: AI-related